Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage: To Love and Then Marry or Marry and Then Love

love marriage vs arranged marriage

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times but always with the same person”

Be it a girl or a boy as they touch the age of 25 in India parents start giving subtle hints about marriage. Sometimes half jokingly they say that any relative of theirs know someone who might be perfect for you. And sometimes they forcefully introduce you to some friend’s daughter or son and asks you to interact by saying ‘at least talk to him before saying a no’. But we the modern generation are a little biased about arranged marriage not because we don’t believe in it but mostly because we are scared. However, it is not a hidden fact that 90% of marriages in India are still arranged marriage but this generation is not quite soled out to the concept.

Even I fall under the same category, as even I am not sure if I want to marry someone by just meeting the person once. It is not that I have not seen successful arrange marriages but in fact my family is the perfect example for successful and long lasting arrange marriages but yet I am not convinced to the concept of marrying someone I hardly know. As someone who grew up in India, I have seen many face the dilemma of a love marriage or arrange marriage.

There have always been long debates on this topic of love marriage vs arranged marriage since a long time discussing the longevity and relevance of both these marriages. And I become a part of this debate when I sister decided to get married to the guy her parents chose just after meeting him once. We cousins were basically taken aback as we did not understand what changed her mind. But after she got married and we cousins met at her place to celebrate her 6-month anniversary we finally got the chance to ask her the reason.

What she told us was quite an eye opener. She told us that she was not sure if the decision was right or not but she knew it was not wrong as there was an instant spark of chemistry between them but she also knew that “marriages are build brick by brick day after day for a lifetime” so, she took the leap of faith and now she was in love with him not because he is her husband but because after marriage she feels like a teenager again falling in love for the first time.

This made me thoughtful about the base of any arrange marriage as I have always known that marriages are a union not just of two people but two families. The basis of an arrange marriage is usually based on the image and reputation of the families. The background, caste, socio-economic status etc. are also a very important deciding factor. What the parents look in the match is sense of security and establishment. But you certainly cannot deny the fact that there is also a new found excitement in an arrange marriage too.Though there are many people who might argue that arrange marriage is not the ideal way to go about marriage, but there is no denying that the divorce rates are very low because of it.

Critics of arranged marriage have always said that not enough importance is given to how the couple feels about each other in arranged marriages. Emotional and physical compatibility is often overlooked and more importance is given to practical considerations. I have also seen people saying that ‘I don’t feel anything for him/her’, and the family members shutting them down saying ‘Love will grow in time’. Well, I believe if they do not feel a spark when they meet then love can never grow in between them.

Another drawback is that the couple may not have enough time to get to know each other, understand their feelings, values and opinions, about different issues be it major or minor. So, once the wedding happens, there is a tremendous need for adjustment sometimes even compromises that they have to make but shouldn’t marriage be based on understanding. Each partner will eventually learn to understand each other and accommodate accordingly and also begin to appreciate the good things in the relationship but I always feel that these things should not be forced as you cannot force love and compatibility.

I have always been biased towards love marriage not because it is more conventional according to today’s global setting but also because the warmth of love marriage has a different feeling altogether. You look for a partner, find your perfect someone and then get married. The involvement of your parents is to the extent of participation and not authoritative. But there are chances that they might not like your choice. There is also a very common misconception that a love marriage is effortless since both the bride and the groom know each other very well. This is just a mere misconception and absolutely not true.

Just like an arrange marriage faces a series of problems and adjustment issues; even love marriage has its own stresses and ups and downs. Since you chose your partner, the whole responsibility of the sustainability of your marriage is on your shoulders. It is also true that in love marriage you cannot blame anyone else if your marriage falls apart well, it’s not that you should blame your parents if your arrange marriage fails but the thing is your parents might just say ‘I told you so’.

Thus, it goes without saying that both love marriage as well as arranged marriage have their own pros and cons. But what is important to understand is that a marriage won’t be successful just because it is a love or an arranged marriage. The couples need to be compatible and understanding of each other and it is very important to respect each others’ opinions and thoughts. At the end, what makes marriage work is effort.

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